Fun with AUI-S (What is Wrong with Boys?)

by Astios 

No boys!

·         Of course the Student Office didn’t have any plans for the dormitories, and the rector has joined the “We will not Pay a Penny” campaign and doesn’t want to give a single dollar, even Canadian, to the Student Affairs. But that is not the whole issue!

No body, and I mean it, is ready to rent his apartment to a bunch of boys.

This is usually what happens when a staff member from Student Affairs office goes to rent an apartment for the boys:

SA: Salamu Alaikum

AP: Alaikum Asalam

SA: I am Mr. SA from the American University of Iraq-Sulaimani

AP:Oh, Really? I love America. Thanks Mr. Bush.

SA: OK.. .Thanks. I am here to rent your apartment for our university.

AP: It’s a shame. My apartment is yours. I always dreamed of handshaking with an American, now you come to my apartment. It is your house. Sirwan! Sirwan son! Come and bring a nice Dijlama (tea without sugar) to our lovely Mr. SA.

SA: and our apartment will be used as the boys’ dormitory.

AP: I didn’t hear well. what it will be used for?

SA: (shaking voice) boys’ dorm…

AP: Sorry Mr. SA. We are not giving our apartment to anything has “boys” in it.

SA: But they are educated college students. they are not what you think. They are going to be the next generation of leaders.

AP: I am sorry Mr. SA to say that, but don’t they have the same shit?

A and B

A:I really feel sorry for the next male leaders of Iraq?

B: why stupid? Why is that?

A: because they are discriminated against now.

B: where in the world boys can be discriminated against?

A: Iraq.

B: Laugh out Loud. You should be more stupid that what I expect. Iraq?

A: Yes, Iraq. and thank you for those words. I take them as compliments.

B: the country of sand and cattle? You can’t find but brown bigots who hate American and exchange girls for cattle in Iraq.

A: That is what Fox News says.

B: Wow. You watch Fox News as well? that is why I am right when I think of you as a red-neck.

A: I am not saying Iraq has come out from the third world category. I am just saying that the boys there are discriminated against.

B: You mean, in IRAQ, boys are treated as the inferior race?

A: Yes.

B:even if I accepted your stupid idea, why should you be concerned about the next male leaders?

A: because the young boys who are going to be the next generation of leaders are studying at the American University of Iraq-Sulaimani right now!!

A small comparison table between AUI-S Girls and AUI-S Boys

AUI-S  Girls	AUI-S Boys
Female	Other
Takes shower three time a morning	Once a week? May be.
Everyone looks at her	He looks at everyone
When she is sick, all the class wants to know why?	When he is in class, everybody wants to know why?
She gets B+, if she didn’t do well.	When he does his best, he gets a rewrite
When she faints, two ambulances come	When he faints, two friends will carry him
Participates in class only by nice smiles	Participates with angry comments but the smiles seem to be more effective
She spends 2 hours fixing her hair	He spends 2 hours thinking about her hair
When she goes to the cafeteria, everyone is happy	When he goes to the cafeteria, only the vendor is happy
On Facebook, no body can add her	On Facebook, he adds everyone
People love to have give them dorms	No dorms, even if you doubled the money
She is innocent, even if she was not	He is guilty, even if he was not
Common activities: laughing, basketball, wearing short skirts and visiting the restrooms	Common activities: smoking cigarettes, bringing a new car everyday, fixing the desks and watching what is above the knee
In their bags: a mirror, make up, a small notebook, and a body spray	In their hands: three books, a DVD, a cell phone and a sunscreen
In their bags: a mirror, make up, a small notebook, and a body spray	In their hands: three books, a DVD, a cell phone and a sunscreen

A Letter to Ban Ki-Moon

Some AUI-S boys came together and decided to write a letter to the UN secretary general, Mr. Ban Ki-Moon, complaining about the sexism they suffer at the hands of some of the AUI-S professors. we publish the letter for you.

Dear Mr. Ban Ki-Moon, the UN Secretary General

Warm greetings,

We are a bunch of the American University of Iraq-Suaimani students, who happen to be boys at the same time. what we have to say to you will sound strange in the first look, because this letter is written in Iraq and the only reports you get from Iraq are reports on female circumcision, but that is not all what is going on here.

We have a professor, who is a self-hating male, and discriminates against the students based on their sex orientation (not sexual orientation). the acts of that professor and some others have led most of the boys into a serious depression. we feel that if this situation continues like that, not only our feelings, but also our grades will get hurt.

We want your Excellency to call for an urgent  meeting of the Human Rights Council and condemn these acts of discrimination.

We want no more than a fair equality

M, D, F, G instead of the AUI-S boys

-the names are not given due to security concerns

AUI-S’s Congratulatory Message for the Coming Eid 

Dear AUI-S Students,

Please kindly accept our honest congratulations for the Eid. These are some instructions to make the Eid more joyful:

1-      You might think you are in a holiday! But you are not. you are going to be the next leaders of Iraq, so read 25 pages of European History, solve 25 Algebra questions, write a paper for the Economics class no less than 2 pages, 12 pts, Time New Roman and SINGLE  spaced.

2-      We are going to loose the great Tuesday. We, as the AUI-S administration, and for the sake of your black eyes decided to compensate for that great loss by having the Tuesday classes, on Saturday, December 4.  

3-      Don’t forget that there are exams, quizzes, presentations and every other kind of activities throughout the week after Eid. So take your precautions.

4-      We are going to loose Tuesday anyway, but we will not let that happen o Monday! No, no. no! the students who are coming from out of Sulaimani will have the benefit of staying in Sulaiamni on the first day of Eid and then go back to their cities. Isn’t it really nice? You go to  the Bazar, red museum and blue café..!

5-      Some of your might ask, “why didn’t  you compensate for the last Easter? Is it because it is your holiday and Eid is our holiday?”. Although we don’t want the next generation of Iraqi leaders ask such questions, we have an answer. We didn’t compensate for Easter because it was not on Tuesday. We love Tuesdays and you know that!

Finally, we have nothing but sincere hopes for an enjoyable Eid

Yours,

AUI-S Administration