Fun with AUI-S (John Dolan Special)

 by Astios 
This time, Fun with AUI-S is dedicated for the memory of a well-known professor, John Dolan. Of course, well-known in his absence not when on campus.

We know that Dr. Dolan understands this kind of language, because he, himself, has been writing comics until he came to AUI-S, he started to make money instead of making fun of the others. Having said that, the growing number of professors going to Dr. Agresto and complaining about Dr. Dolan’s “snide remarks” tells us that there Dr. Dolan never gave up his humorous style of making money. He made money of his students and made fun of his colleagues.

Why?

A: I really don’t get it. Why does everyone who leaves AUI-S writes an article?

B: It’s simple stupid, they are writers

A: I know I am stupid, and they are writers, but what they wrote is the kind of essay we study in level 4, the descriptive essay.

B: Again stupid, they write descriptive essays because they like figurative language, literary fantasies, and using the tools language has given them.

A: don’t get angry, but believe me I knew that one too.

B: So why did you ask?

A: Because in their articles they described by AUI-S as “horrible, graft-ridden, raw gangsterism” , and Sulaimani  as a “dusty town” and the AUI-S students as, “rural, wimpy, and rough-looking.”

B: Now you are stupider with this question!

A: Why? Aren’t we told, “Loyalty is more valuable than diamonds?”

B: Yes, stupid! But that is not what they are told.

A: What are they told?

B: “The best way to keep loyalty in a man’s heart,  is to keep money in his purse”

A small contradiction

Peshawa Ahmed, a reporter working for AUI-S Voice, the official AUI-S newspaper, asked Dr. John Dolan in an interview:

Peshawa: How do you see AUI-S students generally, and their writing particularly?

Dr. Dolan: he students at AUI-S are very impressive in a number of ways. Their training in EWPLI and English 101, as taught by my very talented colleague, Darcy Wudel, has prepared them so well for English 102, the second-semester composition course I teach, that they don’t really need to be taught about es- say structure and tone. They already know these things. All that remains is to become more fluent in spoken and written English

After 5 months, Dr. Dolan experienced a radical shift. In his latest article on AUI-S, he speaks about AUI-S Students this way:

And when I taught my first classes, I learned that those few students were woefully unprepared for university courses in English. We’d been told -- another lie, of course -- that the university’s ESL program produced fluent speakers and writers of English. That was a joke. Had I graded my students at the same level as in an American university -- another one of our official fictions -- at least two-thirds of them would have failed. A better man would no doubt have done the principled thing; I wanted those $100 bills and simply handed out a lot of generous C’s and B-‘s.

So, which one of them to believe Dr. Dolan? I am afraid you are given some of those $100 bills. Who knows!

Between Dr. Dolan and Aristotle:

Dr. Dolan:

 AUI-S is a corrupt university

Logical Answer:

Corrupt universities hire corrupt people

AUI-S hired Dr. Dolan

Dr. Dolan is a corrupt person.

Aristotle wanted to say more, but we didn’t let him…!!

A poem to Dr. Dolan

MONEY*

It can buy a House 
But not a Home 

It can buy a Bed 
But not Sleep 

It can buy a Clock 
But not Time 

It can buy you a Book 
But not Knowledge 

It can buy you a Position 
But not Respect 

It can buy you Medicine 
But not Health 

It can buy you Blood 
But not Life 

It can buy you Sex 
But not Love 

So you see money isn't everything. 
And it often causes pain and suffering. 
I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering......So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. 

CASH ONLY PLEASE! 

*Dana Damsel