What hurts most?

By: Bahman Hassan

By now, AUI-S students must be aware of the points that bother the AUI-S staff and faculty members. Perhaps, like everything else, AUI-Sians are getting angry by the university’s weak points. For us, “those of the blog “or as Milani Standish worded, “nonsense writers”, everything is different. We, lamentably, lost the “love” of the entire university. We are not allowed- at least until the beginning of this semester- to apply for exchange programs or ask for recommendation letters. Thus far, it’s fair, as we “hurt the university too much” or “mobbing against the university”. We know what is going on and we are aware of some, but not all the weak points. We don’t enjoy mentioning them, yet we take pleasure from arguing about them as part of our duties.

Ironically, here are some of the things that hurt AUI-S most.

I.                   Financial Aid Applications:

A financial Aid officer called a student “stupid”. For me it is just a simple confusion, as both “Stupid” and “Student” words start with “S”. And AUI-S has a big problem with “S”. That stupid, sorry student, was rewarded when he asked the officer for a bit of “explanation”. So, as a bit of advice, don’t miss with the people form the finance department. They may drag you into the middle of a breathtaking investigation or have your fees doubled for the next semester. Do tell them jocks or you may say “you are so sexy today” but never say, “Excuse me, can you explain this for me?” Financial Aid officers are quickly getting angry and they are good at making fun of the “Financial Aid Students”.

II.                Strikes:

Wow, this is a real “pain in the ass” as professor Peter Fridrich said while he was professing one of his COMP classes. If you don’t want to make Mr. Dean or Integrity Officer angry, don’t go on strikes. You don’t want to be told “I will expel you” as Mr. James Harrigan told Krekar Warty for partaking in a demonstration last year. Stay quiet and do not care whatever goes on.

III.             Criticizing the University’s Policies:

If you want to get a degree from AUI-S, ever never try criticizing AUI-S. If you do criticize AUI-S, you may “lose your Financial Awards” or lose the “love” of the staff, faculty members and most of the students. You don’t want to be like “people from the blog”, so be nice and don’t criticize; however, they say critical thinking is what we want. It is just a “lie”. Do anything you want, but never criticize AUI-S. If you want, open a club for yourself and your girlfriend. Again, previous advice, don’t criticize, critical thinking is just the shadow of “a dead virgin girl”.

IV.             Be part of the Praising Machine:

If you, million times, are called “stupid” or taken to investigation, never stop praising AUI-S. Just say it’s the best university ever Iraqis have. Don’t criticize; you are just a blind, as the KRG’s Higher Education Ministry labeled AUI-S as number one in the region. Take a breath, don’t go on strikes, don’t criticize and be part of the praising. Never mind your friend is leaving because of not being able to pay his ever increasing fees. Just forget what you see, see what you are told to see. Be part of “deceiving the problems” not part of their solutions. Or as Shakespeare said, “Praise, Praise, thee shall be pleased”.   

V.                First Day of Class and the Rest of the Days

Be patient, even if your physics “professor” asks you to drop the course. Make fun of the fact of not knowing anything about math, after taking two math courses. From the first day of class, assess your instructor, as 2011-2012 is strange. Instructors forgot everything about teaching; all they do is not giving high grades and making sure some students fail. So, don’t miss with them, “democratically” it will not work. Follow the deception carefully, and don’t panic, you, “the Iraqi Future leader”, don’t have to know so much. It is a simple “Federal Democratic Republic”, so you can rule it even with what you have now. Again, don’t miss with the instructors. This will hurt a lot, and you may be “failed” for this.

VI. Don’t Ask the Registrar…

If you are not a “she”, my friends don’t go to the registrar and ask for changing your courses, section, or instructors. Last experience, was when a “she” one week before the “mid-term” exams changed her course [name, time, and course can be provided]. I personally can’t do this, simply because I am not a she, or. Few clicks on the computer can change many things, but seemingly not for everyone. So, “Buddy, Buddy” don’t panic, that is how it goes. Life is a pizza which is not equally sliced, just because its circle. Finally, Ouch Charlie, it Hurts.