Just Laugh !

By: Bahman A. Hassan

I do not mean it, but just laugh, hhhha.  Are you studying at the American University of Iraq, Suleiman? Hhhhha.  

J hhha laugh. Oh man this tastes like ( )… hhhha

Sir, Just hhhha laugh. It is AUIS!

hhha Barham, I am always laughing, LOL.

Me ?



What About you?
hhha I will laugh.



- hhhha then we are equal!
Yes, we are hhhha.
-Would you please tell Agresto to
laugh with us?

Forget it. Its time to laugh hahahahaahahaha. Don't bother thinking hahahaah. It is always my pleasure to laugh with you hhha

 I did not mean you, Sir. Never mind laugh hahahahahaha

Oh, Sorry. you can laugh with us anymore hahahaah

What about you Karwan? hhahahahaa Join us! hhhha

hhhaahahaha. Stop its time to get angry. hhahahaha

People what are you doing? Are you still with me? Then, laugh hahahahh. It seems crazy, but you can laugh. Hahahahaah.

Mr. Gresk, I could'nt find your photo. Remind me if this is against the policies. hhhha I mean do we have any policy limiting hahahahaha? دزنی ئیمیل if you think this is aganist any policy(ies).

hhahaha, you may ask what is my point. Well, there is no point. Dont get me wrong, just laugh. Be Wrya of plaigrism haaaha.

 I HOPE THIS WILL NOT RESULT IN ANY VIOLENCE AND ETR  LAUGH ahahahahaha

     

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Fun with AUIS

Look at the new prices at AUIS, REALLY CHEAP!!!

Equipment

Costs

1-“Printing a paper                            2) Entering the university                                3) Going to the president’s room                          4) Going to a professor’s room                              5) Going to a class in the foreground                     6) Going to the class in the upstairs                  7) Talking to a friend                                              8) Talking to a girl                                                9) Smiling                                                          10) Going to the library                                      11) Checking a book                                                 12) Checking a calculator                                      13) Copying a paper                                                14) Going to the cafeteria                                       15)Eating in the cafeteria                                         16) Going to the bathrooms

1) only 0.10 cents” 2 ) $2, so try to come only  when you have important classes 3) Sorry never 4) It depends on the certification 5) $1 it is near  6) $2 because you will  use the stairs or elevator 7) 0.5 cents, this is the best discounting 8) $5, sorry no more girls 9) 0.3 cents, try to not smile a lot, please 10) 0.15 cents because  there are thousands of books 11) 0.50 cents, we don’t do it anyway  12) $1, or you can buy one 13) 0.50 cents 14) $1 because it is new 15) Do you have a bank?  If not, go to somewhere else 16) It depends on what you will do!

For more information, please contact me, but there will be no changes because this is the last decision!!!!

This is the cheapest price ever with the comparison to the other universities in Iraq, and you can check to make sure that.

We will update you with the newest prices.

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Fun with AUIS: A Conversation between an AUIS Student and Mam Khdir!

              -Salamw A’laik, Mam Khdir!

+Wa Salamw A’laik my son; by the way, are you still a student at the small cabins near Qalawa?

-Yes, but now we are in the new “building”; the one which is the best in the Middle East.

-Oh Mam Khdir, did your son graduate from high school?

+ Yes my son, why are you asking this?

       -Mam Khdir. Honestly, I want you send your son to AUIS because it is the best university ever!

+Hm, how can I know this, my son?

      -Well, there are so many beautiful girls whose grades are above the average, do not get me wrong because they are smart enough to get these grades. The teachers are not giving them randomly.

 - And the books are for free. 

- Oh about the dorms, The dormitory is amazing; there is electricity 24 hours a day, and one has to pay a LITTLE amount of money, which is only $ 70– 90  per a month.

- In addition, there is the most wonderful cafeteria ever in the university.

- The students are too smart; they never think about cheating. Naturally, they HATE cheating, and your son, after graduating from AUI,S, will unspeakably be the prime minster, an Iraqi future ambassador, or at least an MP, which is better than having nothing to do!

+Oh beautiful girls! What if I apply it?

        -No, you cannot, unfortunately, but your son can apply it.

+ But you said “MP”, what does it mean?

-MP means a member of the parliament

+ Hmmm, great, but, can my son study at AUIS for free?

-Well, if you know the boss, then he can study for free!

+ Who is the boss?

-The boss is a politician, or a businessman.

+NO, I know none of them. What is the next solution?

-Ok then money is not a problem, AUIS is tolerant about money. For example, if someone cannot pay money, then they will KINDLY find a sponsor for him.

Or, if there is a smart one, he will be sponsored too.

Or, MONEY is not a problem, as you can see the advertisement for the university in the Kurdish satellites!!

+Ok I got you my son, but can you please tell me why you are doing this? It is like you are getting something for it because you are insisting on it a lot!

-Come-on Mam Khdir, it is not too much, but I have been told that “‎1. For every friend that is accepted to AUIS – your friend that submits a completed application and passes the English Assessment Exam – you will receive a 10,000-dinar AsiaCell card AND a $10 movie pass to City Cinema!

2. For every two friends enrolled in AUIS – they meet Admissions requirements, pass the English Assessment Exam, and begin classes at AUIS in spring 2012 – you will receive a FREE TEXTBOOK next semester." Isn’t it awesome?

+ YES IT IS.

-I have to go because I have another client to meet. BYE NOW.

-  BUT remember, the good news is your son can do the same business once he starts studying at AUIS. BYE.   

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Fun with AUIS "Beautiful Girls"

By Astios 

One News and some Comments

The News: AUIS Uses some Beautiful Girls at AUIS in its New Ads for the University

A pessimist boy:

Do we really have any beautiful girls at AUIS?

Another girl:

That is discrimination. AUIS shouldn't differentiate between its students based on beauty. Didn't Jefferson say 

"All women were created equal?"

Dr. Cargol, first AUIS chancellor:

I really don't care. That is not attractive in anyway.

A Business Student:

Beauty doesn't attract customers anymore. Iraqi people have begun to listen to their minds instead of their hearts when it comes to money.

A student intending to apply:

If that is so, I don't have to worry about my classes at AUIS

A financial aid student:

I think AUIS has put a price on that as well

Dr. Barham Salih:

That is absolutely another embodiment of my slogan, "Krdar Sharta" -Actions Count-

Dr. Aso Salih, head of security:

I don't care if there are beautiful girls in the ads, but I will not allow them to stay alone in the cabins -if there were any in the new campus-

Ms. Rosalind:

Since there is no grammar mistake there, it is fine.

A sexist boy:

Boys are not only stronger than the girls, but they are also more beautiful than them. Boys should be used in the ads instead of girls

A religious student:

This is another sin committed by AUIS. Beautiful girls are the most deceptive trick of Satan

A girl participated in the ads:

We are not in the ads because of our beauty only, but because of our intelligence as well. Should I write my GPA to prove it?

An AUIS student who has been reading philosophy lately:

What is beautiful for you can be ugly for me because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

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AUIS Students Don’t like iPad 2

For the second time, a HIS 201 instructor at AUIS put his lovely iPad 2 in auction.  The iPad is put up for auction two times so far, but it seems that no one wants to buy it.

It seems ironic, yet it is justified as both because he has a good relationship with the Dean of the Students and he is a history instructor and his iPad has a history.

In a capitalist society, all work for more interest. Workers in coal mines in Manchuria and financiers at Wall St. Or even, the instructor in his class can do “business” as long as it is fair and fairly supervised. No matter, or who cares, when class time is dedicated for buying and selling iPads.

Drily, what here we care about is why AUIS students don’t want to put what they have learned into practice? What was the price of Mr. Instructor’s iPad? Or why this iPad is so special and why this instructor wants to sell it to his students?  

If the price is affordable or if there would be any discount, Student Eye Team would think about buying that iPad and safe Mr. Instructor and his class.    

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Fun with AUI-S ( That Letter S )

by Astios 

I would have never believed that some people would be so proud of themselves to attempt change English language. They wanted to remove letter (S) from the dictionary. However, they and their focus groups couldn't figure out what would happen to life without (S).

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Fun with AUI-S (Freedom of Speech)

by Astios 

Freedom of Speech is like pornography. It is hard to define, but you know it, when you need it. In a place like AUI-S, you hear a lot about it but you don't see it. For a Composition teacher it is a dependent phrase, while for a Geography teacher, it is the only thing that can't be found on the map of Iraq. 

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Fun With AUI-S (A Short Interview)

By ASTIOS 

?What is recession

It is when you go to Erbil by bus, play with Ishk college's soccer team and loose

What is depression?

It is when you go to Erbil by bus, play with Ishk college's soccer team and loose 17-0

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Fun with AUI-S (Funny Pictures)

What are these people doing?

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Fun with AUI-S (Why are We Here?)

By Astios

Photo: Chris De Bruyn

Most of the AUI-S students are here for quite normal reasons. For example, some of them have not gotten a good degree, so guess what? AUI-S accepts less than fifty. On the other hand, some are here  because they were too smart. I know a friend who is now planning to study Environmental Sciences who has gotten 98! Yes 98. I mean 98 for me is a joke. I have never seen a 98 in my life, or in my dreams.

But I always like to go into details and find out more about the real reasons behind the students' being here in AUI-S.

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Fun With AUI-S (AUI-S Girls)

by Astios 

Girls!!!

I don’t believe that there is anyone on the planet Earth, including the Pope in Vatican, who doesn’t believe that girls are half of the society, an important half. So if you say, “girls are half of this society,” most people with nod to it. However, you might not get so much consensus on what I am going to say: Girls are half of the society and have confused the other half.

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Fun with AUI-S (What is Wrong with Boys?)

by Astios 

No boys!

·         Of course the Student Office didn’t have any plans for the dormitories, and the rector has joined the “We will not Pay a Penny” campaign and doesn’t want to give a single dollar, even Canadian, to the Student Affairs. But that is not the whole issue!

No body, and I mean it, is ready to rent his apartment to a bunch of boys.

This is usually what happens when a staff member from Student Affairs office goes to rent an apartment for the boys:

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Fun with AUI-S (Party Special)

by Astios 

Quick notes from the party:

·       *  The majority of the AUI-S students were not at the party. there might have been a different party somewhere else. But they were not here.

·         The first hour of the dance was only for boys. I didn’t see any “ Only Gents” flyer on the floor

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Fun with AUI-S (John Dolan Special)

 by Astios 
This time, Fun with AUI-S is dedicated for the memory of a well-known professor, John Dolan. Of course, well-known in his absence not when on campus.

We know that Dr. Dolan understands this kind of language, because he, himself, has been writing comics until he came to AUI-S, he started to make money instead of making fun of the others. Having said that, the growing number of professors going to Dr. Agresto and complaining about Dr. Dolan’s “snide remarks” tells us that there Dr. Dolan never gave up his humorous style of making money. He made money of his students and made fun of his colleagues.

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Fun with AUI-S

by Astios 

Hello again...

We know that this blog's mission is not to make fun of anyone and/or help anyone have fun. But sometimes it is just impossible to get people to understand something without making fun of them and/or having fun with them. That is why, we expect anyone who is smart enough to relate his/her name to his/her initial to be be tolerant and easygoing. We also want them to take our funs seriously. We are dead serious!

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Fun with AUI-S

by Astios 

Dear Student Voice readers... This column will be dedicated for the small pieces of news we get from the students. Send whatever you have to our email stdntvc@gmail.com or share it with us on our Facebook and/or Twitter pages. Here is the first part:

* Dr. G smokes while in class. Is this also a part of the American exceptional-ism?  

* Professor (B.S) always tells the male students to arrange the desks and tells the female students to relax while the males are doing the job. Dear Professor, are you a feminist or you think you are at a guy's fitness gym?

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